Tuesday, March 25, 2014

WORLDS BEST PARENTS (with no kids)

We were all the world's best parents before we had kids, right?! Well, it appears as though once we had that first child we got a rude awakening.  Then, by the time the third baby rolls around you start to realize that perfection is totally over-rated, impossible and boring.
Now, I realize that there is a rare breed that still hangs on to being a germaphobe no matter how many kiddos they have cruisin' around.  To them I say, "don't bother using your hand sanitizer on my kids...whatever was on their hands has probably already been in their mouths too."
Welcome to my world....

Finish feeding the baby and before you can wash the baby's face the dog licks it clean.

Baby #1:
"YUCK! That is so gross." 
Clean the face even better so you can get the dog slobber off now too.

Baby #3:
"Gross."  (sorry, a licking dog still grosses me out today)
Huh, well...they say a dogs tongue is clean.  Looks like we are good to go.

Child finds cheerios in carseat.

Baby #1:
"NO!  Those are icky!" 
Let's be honest.  The car had way less leftover cheerios in the carseat.

Baby #3:

My 7mo baby found a piece of mud on the floor.  The baby is fumbling around and trying to pick it up.

Baby #1: 

You quickly run over to your baby while saying, "yucky."

Note:  It is important to mention that the house was cleaner and the occurrence of mud coming in was not as normal as it is now.

Baby #3:

First thought, "Huh, that should keep her busy for a minute."
Second thought, "I wish that was food and the dog would clean it up."

People without kids offer insight as to how their children will behave, their parenting style, etc.  We have all heard it, "My kids will NEVER do X-Y-Z.  My kids will sleep great, eat everything, never complain...."  Remember, you were once a perfect parent too (before you had kids)!

Baby #1:

Am I doing it right?  Have I messed this child up?  I never thought my kid would throw a fit, would always sleep in, and of course sit quietly with their hands folded in their lap....is it me?  Is it them?  What should I do?!?! 

I have left these encounters upset and telling my husband how I feel like a failure as a mother.  He would smile and say, "you cant be upset by them...they just dont understand yet."

On other occasions I would feel feisty. "Please lady, if I wanted your advice then I would have asked for it! Unless you are Lisa Duggar then I dont need your insight on parenting (seems fitting...she does have a small army to manage and to my knowledge hasnt spent any time in the clinker because of it....success!). 

Baby #3:

"Would you like to babysit?  You can practice your "theories" on my kids...for FREE." 


Oh, wait...did you not hear the last part.  Sorry, didnt mean to slam the door on my way out!

Yelling from the car, "Just feed them whatever! The baby might not be hungry - she was chewing on something on the floor a few minutes ago!  You might want to check if it is mud (or not)."

When will you potty train your child?

Baby #1: 

My baby will be potty trained by the time they are ____.

Baby #3:

When will we start?  Probably someday when we run out of diapers and I dont have the time or energy to go to the store.

Then....Baby #4 arrived...

Do I even bother buying baby #4 a baby book?
Baby #4: 
No. The answer is no.  You should wait until he is 4 months old.  Note to self:  buy baby book on Amazon, like yesterday.

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